What Depression Feels Like
This is what depression
feels like:
A million emotions pouring out
at the same time.
An unending focus on the things
that you can’t seem
to ignore.
You die a million times
but you still breathe.
You choke on tears
while hoping for relief.
If you could, you would
rewrite the whole script.
If you could, you would
make every adventure
pure bliss.
This is what depression
feels like:
Hot, cold, warm
at short intervals,
not dictated by the
weather or weak
immune system but
by a frail state of mind.
Steaming hot tears
flow profusely, forcefully
finding their way out, landing
on hands, laps,
papers, books and pillows.
Weakness. You’re afraid of light.
Lying in bed for the most
part. Tired, without doing
any physical activity. Pondering
on thoughts that have long been
lost.
This is what depression
feels like:
Torture. Your wishes and
could have-beens stare
unflinchingly at you,
perpetually and mercilessly
haunting you as the silent whispers
of mockery breeze into your ears.
This is what depression
feels like:
Obsessions with death
and ways to die. A careful
step by step guide on how
to die best.
But the only thing stopping
the depressed from activating
these suicidal thoughts
is what some call
fear.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of afterlife. Fear of
the consequences that follow.
Others call it
bravery.
Bravery to choose life.
Bravery to fight. Bravery
to win.
This is what depression
looks like:
Happy smiles with
broken souls. Swollen
eyes with silent frowns.
Pure sadness. False happiness.
Just in case
you didn’t know.
Written and Performed: Viano Dee
Instrumental: Time Stops by Silent Partner
Previous poetry/rap: The Black Tale
About ‘What Depression Feels Like’
What Depression Feels Like is a dark spoken word poetry that talks about what it means to be depressed– the stages and thoughts that go into it. It also reveals what it looks like. Many people think that depression only manifests itself publicly through sadness. Unfortunately, that isn’t true.
Depression is a skilled actor. It can take any form. It can appear happy, lively and excited but beneath is burning sorrow. This is why it appears surprising when people who seem to have everything in place or are the liveliest commit suicide.
Truth is, not everyone who experiences this is aware that they are sufferers. On the other hand, not everyone who suffers from it talks about it– either because they feel like they’ll be looked down on or they simply don’t know how to describe what and why they feel that way.
Many times, the question “are you okay?” is being asked and the common reply from such people is “yes”. Sadly, it’s not always the case. This is why it is important to always look out for one another.
If you ever feel depressed, admit it. Find ways to express yourself. Pray. Write. Speak. Ask for help. No one should have to be alone in this.
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omg!!! you know, I didn’t know that depression runs that deep, you captured and explained it very well, thank you so much…Sharing it.
Oh well, it does run that deep. Thank you for listening.
Depression is worse. I have been there, I suffered from Chronic depression. I feel your words. It touches me as I know it leaves you numb from inside.
I’m so sorry about your depression. Hope you’re okay now.
It was so difficult to finish reading it without thinking about how much it hurts them to feel helpless.
It really hurts.
This is deep. Think of all the Hollywood celebs that commit suicide and we all wonder why because, “they are so rich!”, “what did they have to be depressed about with all that money/power/comfort?” They put on a smiling face but are dying inside…and that fear of the unknown is so true, and not only for the depressed. Some call them cowards for going out like that but to me, it’s a certain kind of bravery and desperation to end your own life.
In fact that’s the worst type of depression– when it is full of smiles.
Wow Viana this is an amazing poem! So deep and vulnerable. I’ve experienced times when I feeling like you have to plaster on a happy face, when inside you’re falling apart and “sinking” further into an abyss. Thanks for raising attention to this.
Thank you so much for listening.
There is so much emotions in this poem. I can feel the pain the sufferers of depression have gone through. Sadly, most of them do not reveal their true feelings. If it is wrong to ask “Are you okay?”, what is the best question then. I am always guilty of having this question asked when I noticed friends who are going through a crisis.
I can imagine how difficult it must be for you. Sometimes silence, a hug and a whisper of assurance is all they need. Ofcourse prayer too.
It’s always a bad feeling. No one deserve to feel this way, to experience depression but sadly, we don’t always have control over what we feel. Thanks for capturing with words
No one has to be alone in it. Thanks for listening.
I have been diagnosed to have depression. During the first few months, I wanted to voice out my feelings, my anxiety, my worries to my family but I did not find the support I needed. Thankfully, my psychologist is a very good one and I always look forward to my appointments with her. Medication and counseling did wonders for me. Depression is not an easy illness to deal with. Hopefully, society would be more empathetic to those who suffer from depression.
Thank God you’re okay now. You’re right! It’s not an easy thing to deal with.
I think I felt this even just for a small amount of time and it feels so bad. You need to get out ASAP! Thankfully my Faith helped me big time.
Oh wow! Awesome.Thank God for your life.
What a beautiful piece. “Depression is a skilled actor.” I like this one, and i really agree. You’d never be able to tell
Thank you so much.
I needed to read this book last year when one of my friends suffered from diagnosed depression. I didn’t know how to ask better, how to even imagine how he feels
This is beautifully written. It would be really difficult to be in it and alone. It would also be difficult for the people around to detect, unless one opens up about it.
so true.
This is very beautiful piece of writing. You’ve touched my heart of your every words.
Glad you liked it. Thank you.
That was beautiful to read. Lovley poem
Thanks so much.
What a lovely read and I am sure many people especially at the moment will identify with this for sure x
I believe so too. Thanks for listening.