Thoughts On Feminism And Gender Roles

Thoughts On Feminism And Gender Roles

Thoughts On Feminism And Gender Roles

Written by Di MadWriter (Contributor)

We’re very familiar with the notion that when a woman is more successful than her husband, builds big establishments, and works more hours, society frowns upon her.

This is what the feminists fight and try to rid us of. Women who want to work should be allowed to chase their dreams to the climax. After all, we’re all humans.

But what we’re not familiar with is how the society treats men who, according to her standards, are underperforming.

Women who want to work should be allowed to work. That’s a legit argument; worth listening to anytime. In that same light, men who don’t want to work should be allowed to function as househusbands.

I know you’d probably say some men do it anyway. But that’s not the fight. Women have risen to places of power too, but we’re still fighting for a society that doesn’t antagonize them for doing so.

Therefore, we should also fight for a society that doesn’t talk down or undermine men who simply made the choice to be househusbands.

On reading this, someone asked me, ‘so men can simply make the choice to be househusbands?’ She believes that men who are househusbands didn’t make that choice, that they were either laid off or lost their businesses, and that they ended up being affected by it psychologically. In a bid to redeem their ego or masculinity, they turned to alcohol and other vices.

But the psychological effect isn’t really as a result of what he can or can’t do, it is about how society sees and treats him.

That is how deep this has eaten into the society. First, to assume that every man wants to go out to work and isn’t interested in taking care of a home is the same as assuming every woman wants to be a housewife.

Saying only circumstances push men into being househusbands is like saying only women who have no men in their lives feel the pressing need to work and prove that they can survive without men.

Should a man be seen less as a man simply because he prefers to be a home maker rather than a provider?

Hold on! I know some will say that it is biblical that a man should provide for his family. True. But what does it say about the woman? Yeah, I thought so too. My point is if you’re going to change the system– I mean, be fair! Be impartial!

We’re endorsing a system that allows the woman to be whatever she wants. We call it equality. Yet it doesn’t allow the man to be whatever he wants. That’s a loophole.

A supposed feminist in Nigeria recounted her dating experiences and came to the conclusion that she’d rather be with a man who practices patriarchy than with a male feminist. Her reason being that male feminists only use feminism as an excuse to split bills. She doesn’t want to split bills, but she wants to split the caregiving role equally with her man. How convenient!

Equality is equality. Let’s not dance around words. You can’t eat your cake and have it.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but when a man leaves his child, the court mandates him to pay child support, right? Yet, I hardly hear of a woman paying child support after leaving her child with the father. Is that okay?

Are we ready to trash gender roles? It doesn’t seem like we are. You’re either in for this or you’re not.

If we don’t start filling up the loopholes, we’d end up with another imbalance.

I want your thoughts on this at the comment section below.

Di MadWriter

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Thoughts On Feminism and Gender Roles
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Thoughts On Feminism And Gender Roles

Di MadWriter

Di MadWriter is a Nigerian storyteller and poet who fully exercises his right to laugh whenever and wherever he wants. He thinks madness is a spectrum; it is not absolute. Every new day, he chooses whether to be rigid or informal. He loves to see people laugh, or smile at least.

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Emily Terrell
11 months ago

My belief is that if both are in agreement, it should be okay. However, on the flip side, as an American woman in her 30’s, I have yet to meet a man who stayed home with the kids and didn’t work because he enjoyed playing househusband. Every man I met in that situation was abusing the relationship of having a successful wife in order to get out of working or get out of paying child support. And they didn’t do anything around the house or for the kids to make it equal.

My husband and I, as well as others we know, have utilized the swap system. I worked all day, he worked all night. We swapped responsibilities on household chores and child raising based on when we were home. We each maintained our own bills at first as well while pooling left over monies to be used for everything else we shared. That, to me, has and would work best. It eliminates fighting over who is doing more or being better in the relationship.

Di MadWriter
Reply to  Emily Terrell
11 months ago

Agreement, indeed, is everything. You have a system that works, and that is what we should all try to establish. Though I reckon it may not be the same for everyone.

Thank you for this comment, Emily. Really enlightening.

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Admin
11 months ago

It’s rare but some women do pay child support when they give up their kids to the father. Obviously happens in the West so gender roles here and in Nigeria/Africa are very different. I believe that feminist story as I read a lot of them on twitter lol. Here, it’s not an issue men being househusbands (not common but happens) and some countries give parental leave for both parents, not just mums. So, depends on location. I can assure you that if I lived in Nigeria as an unmarried and working woman, travelling and enjoying her life, well…you know how society would frown lol.

Di MadWriter
Reply to  Viano Dee
11 months ago

Thank you, Kemi. The issue of gender roles is a big thing in Nigeria and Africa, I guess. And it’s been generating a lot of controversies in recent times.

I hope we get it right eventually.

Jayashree
11 months ago

You do have a point to justify. Men should be allowed to be what they wish as women, but the women needs to be earning then.

Di MadWriter
Reply to  Jayashree
11 months ago

It is a systemic thing. We have to find a system that’s fair to everyone. It can be okay for a woman not to earn, and it can be okay for a man not to earn as well. It all depends on the family structure.

Most of all, society needs to stop judging based on gender.

Emily Michelle Fata
11 months ago

Honestly, prescribed gender roles are nonsense, and I truly believe that men and women should be equal on ALL grounds. What’s good for one should be good for the other.

Di MadWriter
Reply to  Emily Michelle Fata
11 months ago

Yes, this has always been the fight. ‘On all grounds’.

We hope to achieve that in the nearest future.

Thank you, Emily.

Lyosha
11 months ago

i don’t believe in gender roles. we are who we are and it goes far beyond what is in between our legs

Di MadWriter
Reply to  Lyosha
11 months ago

Exactly.

Monidipa
11 months ago

Di always writes so beautifully. Even I had been thinking of writing on this topic but I am so stck that I can’t. Feminism is about working against the systems built to keep certain groups of people oppressed, and striving towards equality for everyone. It means fighting for intersectionality and acknowledging how race, sexual orientation and socioeconomic status affects feminism.

Di MadWriter
Reply to  Monidipa
11 months ago

Thank you for the kind words, Monidipa.

It is quite sad that the very basics of feminism are being neglected in certain parts of the world. Thank you for pointing this out.

Yomi Spontaneous
11 months ago

Interesting perspective that honestly I never thought of Di! I grew up in a household where my mother was the breadwinner but she worked herself like a dog to accomplish that. However, my father was a teacher, so he filled in as the stay at home parent while still working at the university during the day. I bring this up because as a son of a man who chose teaching over a doctor job, I am torn. I am not upset that he chased his dream, but rather that his choice prevented my mother from chasing her and sacrificing much of her life so that we could all have a better one. For me, I don’t care if my wife is a stay at home Mom, or a high paid NASA scientist as both find ways to be happy in life. I think to do that, means that we both need to openly communicate.

As for the rest of society judging me or any man for staying at home…I say, to hell with them. There is a quote that says “a wolf need not concern himself with the opinions of sheep!” Let the sheep bah in their masses! Be your own Wolf!

Di MadWriter
Reply to  Yomi Spontaneous
11 months ago

I know this quote from Game of Thrones! But it says lion instead of wolf.

Thank you for this. I enjoyed reading your comment.

Puneet Kaur
11 months ago

Totally agree with this…. Women who want to work MUST be allowed to chase their dreams, irrespective of their family responsibilities

Di MadWriter
Reply to  Puneet Kaur
11 months ago

Thank you, Puneet. I’m glad you agree.

Ivan Majhen
11 months ago

I completely agree with everything written above. I am a strong supporter of women power. I enjoy in my housewife roel right now, and not because i have to, but because I want to and i think that every woman has right to chase her career or dreams or whatever. However, i also think that women in Africa lacks education still.

Di MadWriter
Reply to  Ivan Majhen
11 months ago

I’m glad you agree, Ivan.

However, as regards education and women in Africa, it has been an issue for some time. I can’t speak for the rest of Africa, but in Nigeria, people don’t get education simply because they can’t afford it. We had times when women’s education wasn’t valued, but I think we’re past those times now. All through my stay in school, from primary to tertiary education, I had way more females in my classes than males. That would be expected, considering the population of women is higher than that of men; but I think that’s great progress. I think we now value education for everyone. And if someone isn’t getting it, it’s hardly about the person’s gender.

I hope it is the same for the rest of Africa. Thank you for your comment.

Aaliziyah
11 months ago

“Should a man be seen less as a man simply because he prefers to be a home maker rather than a provider?” this question really made me reflect. Sometimes most of us see women as the only one suffering from discrimination brought by gender roles, not realizing that men do, too.

Chei Pangan
11 months ago

All women now can do what men do. So i think everything in role now is being fair now.

Di MadWriter
Reply to  Chei Pangan
11 months ago

This is true. But the question is, can the men also do all what women do? For that is how to reach complete fairness.

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