My Moment Of Eureka

My Moment Of Eureka

My Moment Of Eureka.

Two weeks ago, I ran into a friend whom I hadn’t seen in a while. We talked about so much. Then she asked about my love life, I told her my story. My relationship ended in goodbyes without animosity. She asked how I was and I said was fine. She stared at me with a look that had the question: Are you?

I understood what she meant instantly and I replied, “I am fine. It’s just that it feels like one never truly heals. Some days, I feel great and on other days, it hits so hard unexpectedly.” As I spoke, tears formed in my eyes and I struggled to hold them back. I didn’t succeed but I wiped them off almost immediately.

She murmured, “It’s true.” Then I noticed her watery eyes. “Was she sympathizing?”, I thought. It turns out she was empathizing. She had been there. Hers was a relationship of 10 years. He was her first love. He got someone pregnant and had to marry her because the girl’s family insisted. But this happened 5 years ago and she still wasn’t over it. I didn’t even know what to say.

She had turned down everyone else who tried to love her, reminiscing on the time she had spent with and invested in this one person that she forgot how to love or be loved. Mine was nothing compared to hers but I could relate. Love is a crazy feeling and sometimes it gets people messed up.

In my own case, I wouldn’t say I wasn’t over him but I can’t say otherwise either. It had been a mixed feeling. There were moments where I understood that he was married and there were days when I felt that we could have been together. Was I as guilty as she was or was I just lying to myself? I didn’t know for sure.

However, we concluded that time would heal everything and she needed to be more open and let go. I mean, 5 years is a long time, how much time did she really need?

A part of me was scared I’d end up like her since mine had just been a year old since we broke up. Then I thought to myself, “Nah, I’m too much of a hopeless romantic to forget about love. Haha! I just need more time doing me instead of rushing into another relationship and playing with someone else’s emotion in the name of finding a distraction.”

But like a rush, after that encounter, I found myself mostly remembering those times and being stuck in the past. It was beginning to become unbearable. “What is this?”, I would often ask myself. I thought I had gone past this phase! I couldn’t understand what was going on. I mean I loved him enough to let him go. I cared about him enough even after I had let him go but why this fresh pain? Why does it feel like it was when we first broke up? It didn’t make sense.

I realized I didn’t have the motivation to do anything. Was I sinking into depression? For days, I kept trying to figure out what was wrong and then this morning it hit me. I have been my own problem.

You see, I looked back at the times we spent together and I realized that he didn’t really do anything spectacular. I asked myself why I even loved him in the first place and I realized that I chose to. Yes, he was a nice guy and yes, we had a great friendship but it was never about him– it was about me.

I chose to attach so much value to him that I couldn’t even realize that I gave more and I loved more so naturally when it ended I hurt more. Did he make any effort? Yes, he did but no two people can love equally.

Hence the value I attached to him was what made me feel excessive pain. I made him special. I put him in that place. And so when he moved on, I felt shattered because I kept seeing him as that special someone who wasn’t with me anymore.

Agreed, everyone is special in their own way but no one is truly special in our lives unless we make them. We choose to make people special to us. In the same vein, we can choose to make them not. The realization sets in when you know when to apply what.

I needed a reset. Instead of seeing him as my special someone, I need to see him as just someone. I put him up on that scale in the first place, therefore, I have the power to remove that kind of attachment from him and reserve it for who it is meant for.

Some people never come to this realization until it’s too late. Some others never even get it. It took me exactly 1 year and 25days to finally understand it. I hope it doesn’t take you long too.

This is my moment of eureka!

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My moment of eureka
My Moment Of Eureka

My moment of eureka
My Moment Of Eureka

Related post: What Exactly Is True Love?

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Viano Dee

Viano Dee is a non niche blogger, poet, songwriter and a hardcore romantic who believes that life is something that we all should be positive about. She writes about life generally with the hope that positive change will occur even if it's just in one person. Her write-ups could take any form: poetry, articles, and even songs in ways that'll inspire you, resonate with you, or tell a story while keeping you both informed and entertained.

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Olivia Ngene
1 year ago

Reading this at a time I’m trying to get him off my chest. Sometimes I feel like his energy doesnt match mine. I feel like I’m giving too much and receiving too little. I don’t know if I need a break…but what if the break becomes too long? What if it leads to us growing apart? I’m super scared to continue thinking of that. It’s only one day we haven’t spoken yet my heart hurts. I’m restricting myself from calling him. I miss him so much Viano😭😭

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Reply to  Olivia Ngene
1 year ago

Just give it a little more time. Talk things out since you two are still together and see where it leads you. You’ll be fine eventually.

Christy
1 year ago

I think we can value someone as much as we can, while we can. But a point will always come, when we need to let that same person go. And value ourselves more, ‘til we meet another one.

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Reply to  Christy
1 year ago

Exactly!

Yana
1 year ago

Things always happen for a reason we have to except that🤍

Charlotte Petit Noble
1 year ago

Better things are coming your way. Things happen for a reason even it’s not obvious at the first sight. It’s okay to feel how we feel. Acknowledge, and then choose again until the new feeling makes you feel a little better. Search for the Abraham Hick’s emotional scale, it will help!

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Reply to  Charlotte Petit Noble
1 year ago

True. Thank you so much.

Eric Gamble
1 year ago

So, if you will allow me, I will play devil’s advocate and say I disagree with need to de-value him per se! Don’t get me wrong, when you break up with someone, it is quite healthy to lower them off the pedestal you placed them on and view them differently. But don’t de-value the relationship. It is okay to hurt….it is okay to cry…it is okay to carry the pain for the rest of your life. Not every wound we suffer needs to be healed & erased. Hence why God/Mother Nature/Whomever, created you to carry visible scars on your outside…the inside is no different. Those scars are to remind you of the story & to hopefully learn from them. It will one day be better but you cannot ever erase the past, so embrace it….instead of removing it, choose what parts matter more & remember those!

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Reply to  Eric Gamble
1 year ago

Yeah, you’re right. I haven’t devalued the relationship and I don’t intend to. We are still very good friends.

Kristine Nicole Alessandra
1 year ago

I can relate. My first husband left me and the children after 11 years. I was sad, but I wasn’t sorry that the relationship ended. He was never there for the family in the first place. However, it is different when my children ask me for relationship advice. A few years ago, my eldest son found out that his girlfriend of 6 years was seeing someone else on the side. He was devastated. The advice I gave my son was this – “This happened for a reason. It is good that you found out about it now. How would you feel if this happened when you already married that girl? Do not look at this as a bad thing. It is a GOOD thing. She is not the girl for you. God allowed this to happen so that you will find that girl who is worth all your love and attention.” Thankfully, my son was able to recover quickly from that failed relationship.

Britt | Not Your Mom's Gifts
1 year ago

Love the realization you had. Nobody can affect us mentally unless we let them. Sending virtual hugs ❤️

Renee C.
1 year ago

Thank you for sharing this really personal story – I’m glad you found your Eureka moment!

Beauty Vixen
1 year ago

I’m glad you got some good perspective on you’re past relationship and how you were relating to them. Its really hard to rationally figure out why you feel a way about someone and it takes a lot of work.

Sondra Barker
1 year ago

Love this, thanks for sharing!

Yemi King
1 year ago

Im Glad you found your moment, it takes time, life is a lesson and sometimes the bad is needed to learn the good!

Melanie williams
1 year ago

Aw I really love this. I am so glad that you found your moment and resolved too x

Stephanie Pick
7 months ago

Thanks for sharing this, I think many people are not able to see if from this perspective and it is so true! Great post!

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