Inside Life is a compilation of some of the experiences and conversations I had with people during my vacation. It takes a look at love and how wrong people could love rightly and vice-versa.
It also reveals how many people lack total commitments in their marriages/ relationships and how others think they have great marriages but unknown to them, they are living in fool’s paradise.
Not only does Inside Life focus on the issues mentioned above, but it also gives genuine reasons why singles should enjoy every bit of their singleness while it lasts.
Now, those of you who have been following for a while, know how open I’ve been about my struggles and all and how I had to take time off to get myself together. For those who don’t know, let me just fill you in.
I became really depressed after my last relationship ended because I felt I had invested so much into it and for a moment, a part of me thought: this was it. But life happened and it didn’t turn out that way. It wasn’t any fault of ours though. He was a great guy and my best friend so I guess that was what made it more depressing and probably why it took a long time to heal. You can read more about it here and here.
After it ended, I tried so hard to get over it but I couldn’t so I started blogging excessively which led to overworking and insomnia. I really needed to take care of myself. It was at this point I decided to take time off.
While I was there, I had a little trouble adapting to the lifestyle. Everyone is always on the go; always in a hurry which made the first few weeks a bit tough. I found it difficult to find my way around but thanks to Google map and Opay! They made life a little easier for me.
When the wrong one loves you right
I got to make new friends and hang out with people I hadn’t seen in a while one of which was a young man (my childhood friend) who had liked me for a long time till now ( about 17years). Yup! You read right!
I cannot really fathom why I didn’t date him but one of the things he mentioned was that I never gave him a chance. And he was right! I never did. So I decided to be open-minded and I tried to see if it could work because… folks, 17years is a pretty long time.
Anyway, we got to hang out and he was really nice (he’s always been) but sadly, there was no connection and it was at that point it really dawned on me why we never dated: there was no emotional connection or attraction whatsoever.
I tried to find something; anything but to no avail. I knew I had to be honest with him and myself. He deserved better. There was no point starting what we couldn’t finish and I didn’t want to date him out of pity. I knew that if I did, I would end up resenting him. Quite frankly, for no reason, I could feel the resentment slowly creeping in.
I’ve heard people say that many people don’t marry who they love but they grow in love. In as much as that is true, it doesn’t mean it happens in all cases. I thought I was alone in this till a lady complained that she had been married for 5years and she resented her husband with each passing day.
He was nice, handsome and wealthy but she just didn’t love him; she was in love with someone else. Her parents convinced her that she would “grow in love” and she thought she would but didn’t. She said she regretted making that decision and at that moment, I could relate.
Life can be tricky sometimes. The wrong people can love right. And the effort they put in doesn’t always count. I strongly believe that even if there isn’t love at first, there has to be a connection or an attraction– like a spark for a relationship or marriage to work. If that isn’t present, that relationship is bound to fail regardless of how much effort is being put in it.
After this lady shared her experience, I began to wonder just how many people were in her shoes. How many people are unhappy in their marriages? What if some of the “stable” marriages only look that way because the couples hide their resentments underneath their breaths. I couldn’t help but wonder until I realized how bad it was. All it took was a business trip.
The Business Trip
I was called to help train the staff of a business organization in a particular area of specialization.
They treated me nicely, provided me with a three-course meal and took care of my accommodation. I stayed in the staff quarters. One of the staff was particularly kind, friendly and chatty. As we got talking, he revealed he was married and that work had brought him there. His family was in another state. We had a great conversation and parted ways. He made it a point of duty to check on me very often which made me slightly uncomfortable but I just assumed he was being nice.
About three or four days into my stay we got talking and he told me I could visit his flat anytime. Again, I felt he was being accommodating but I laughed it off and went about my business. The following day he came around to tell me he had foodstuffs and he wouldn’t mind helping him cook and clean for him because he wanted a “feminine touch”. He said it playfully and jokingly. This man was beginning to overstep his boundaries. Was he being plain stupid or trying to be smart? Or was he considering himself a comedian? I couldn’t tell but one thing was for sure: I needed to put him in his place and that I did, calmly but sternly, very sternly.
In summary, I told him straight up that I wouldn’t. “”Who you be?”, I asked. I am here as a guest and besides we’ve only just met. Even if we were friends, I still wouldn’t. You’re a married man and not even a relative. If you need help, get a maid or let your family join you!”
He tried to argue that there was nothing wrong with it since we were friends. But we weren’t friends, we were acquaintances. I told him for me, it was unacceptable. I think he apologized or so but that’s neither here nor there. I had made my point and he had gotten it.
Lesson: Sometimes, one just has to put their foot down in order to avoid nonsense.
Meanwhile prior to this incidence, I happened to chat with another lady who was also a staff. She was so friendly and nice. In the course of our conversation, she mentioned she was married and her husband was her best friend. “How sweet!”, I thought. He was the perfect guy and they had kids. How nice! Only for me to discover he was having an affair with a colleague right under her nose. Most people knew but she didn’t. I was just as shocked as you are. Inside Life!
There was even news that some men at the top, though married, were having secret affairs. How did they know? Spilled beans! At this point, I was fed up. I couldn’t wait to leave. I was glad when I did. I didn’t look back. That place was just too toxic.
Truth is this happens everywhere but I’ve never witnessed it on such a large scale. Maybe it’s because I never worked in any organization before so it felt kind of weird.
I got to realize that sometimes, those who seem innocent are the real vipers. One man approached me and told me liked me. He mentioned he’s never been so vulnerable as he was to me. I smiled. In my mind, I was thinking about how he must have seen me as a fool. His gist was everywhere and here he was acting like a saint. How manipulative! But I give him credit for his acting skills. Really impressive!
I heard his wife was very strict so I asked him if he had any problem with her and he said no that they were very happy. “So why are you here?”, I asked. He was speechless. Inside Life!
He isn’t the only one I’ve asked such. There’s another who is a client and who is equally nice (they are all nice) but is a terrible pest. He believes that one should do whatever makes one happy. I agree with him to some extent but not in the context he’s referring to. There are some things that make one happy but to one’s own detriment. I asked him if his wife could do anything that made her happy in the same context he was referring to and he kept mute. Wanting to justify his statement, he proceeded to tell me men are different. Bullshit!
If anyone needs to be happy, it is the woman. The woman who spreads her legs for to insert your sperm, goes through discomfort for 9months times the number of children she has, goes into labour, takes care of the kids, does house chores and still takes care of you when the only thing you do is go to work and come back!
These are the kind of men that irritate me. What’s worse is that some of them are so shameless that they bug your life with calls even after you’ve told them time and time again that you’re not interested. It is disgusting. Even worse they are the kind of men that will not take it if their spouses mistakenly cheat. The effrontery! Hypocrisy at it’s peak!
It’s not like the single men are any better. I’ve met with guys who have girlfriends that they claim they love so much yet they cheat on them. How do you cheat on someone you claim you love? Inside Life!
I know someone who even while he was engaged said he didn’t owe his woman any loyalty till he was married to her? How does this even make sense? Did he expect that from her too? I’m pretty sure he didn’t.
It turns out these days the ladies aren’t smiling either. They are up and doing in the cheating game but unfortunately, for the most part, the honest guys are the ones who become the victims.
…to be continued.
Next on Inside Life: Stories That Burn