Dear Mothers-In-Law

Dear Mothers-In-Law

Dear Mothers-in–law,

We the daughters-in-law (present and future ones) would like to clear the air on a few things. We’d truly appreciate it if you would just listen to us and then cooperate with us.

We are aware of the fact that for some reason, some of you may dislike us. It probably would not be so if we weren’t intimate with your sons. You may have liked us or even loved us (maybe) if we had nothing to do with your male children but the thing is: we do and we will because they are either our husbands or husbands- to-be. This is something you need to come to terms with.

Please do not take this too personal or see it as being rude; we are just trying to make you understand a couple things so that we can get along properly—the way it’s supposed to be.

Okay, we know that your sons are your children and we understand how much time, energy and resources you have invested in them but guess what?—they are grown ups now who need to move on and this is the part where we come in.

We would be so grateful if you don’t get in our way while we take care of our men just as we didn’t get in your way while you took care of them. Seriously, think about it. The tongue and the teeth work together but stick to their jobs—there has never been a time when the tongue chewed food while the teeth tasted it. Never has this happened! So here’s what we would love you to consider as we step in as wives:

Allow us to raise our homes ourselves

We completely understand how much you love your sons and we know it may be kind of hard to let go. This is why we will gladly allow you to come and spend sometime in our homes but please do not take this opportunity as a license to take over our homes.

Yes, we may allow you to do a couple of things you want to do and assist you in some ways but what we are saying is simple: do not decide for us.

Do not tell us what to cook for our men, do not tell us how to run our homes, and do not tell us how many kids to have or accuse us of finishing your sons’ money. For goodness sake, we are their wives! If they don’t spend on us, who will?

Do not be partial

Mothers-in-law we beg you not to be partial. If you hear about something we have done wrongly, please listen to our side of the story before you scold us. Don’t bring up that “if you have hurt my son, you have hurt me” attitude. Hear from both sides, judge wisely and lovingly rebuke us as our biological mothers would.

Treat us like your daughters

Make us feel comfortable when you’re around or when we come around. Let us be able to talk to you like we would to our mothers. Give us good advise when you see the need to. Tell us secrets about what your sons love—are there special recipes? Teach us and we will be glad to learn. Are there hilarious stories? Tell us and help us relieve our stress. Are special places or lovely memories that are important to them? Let us in; they may be of help to us in the future.

We are not your enemies; we are just ladies who stole your sons’ hearts away only so they could breathe with us beside them. Is it so hard to help us mold your sons’ into better people? Is it wrong to both complete and compliment them? Is it a taboo for us to be friends? Love us and treat us like daughters.

Try not to make an issue out of nothing

We all make mistakes. If we do, correct us and forget it. There’s no need to shout and scream over little issues as if you’re in the process of being killed.

For instance, you teach us a recipe and then we try it out but don’t get it right, do not begin to scream “Ewo! See me see wahala o! Look at what she’s cooking! Is this the poison my son has been eating? Ah! No wonder he is shrinking. So this is your plan abi? You want to kill my son and go and marry another person. It will not be well with you.”

All those aren’t necessary. A mistake is a mistake, let it go. Encourage us and help us to improve instead of wasting words.

We are women who have wombs not robots who are baby-making machines

Children are gifts from God and we cannot decide for him. Please dear mothers-in-law we humbly appeal that you do not make life more miserable for us if we cannot bear kids when you want us to.

Do not accuse us of removing our wombs or eating up our children. Do not begin to suggest to your sons that they should take other wives or have extra marital affairs.

We will have kids when God decides that we have kids but in the meantime, why not pray for us and encourage us to be strong and hold on? We would be glad if you showed more love, care and concern.

We sincerely do apologize if in the course of making our points known, we stepped on your toes. We just need to get these things off our chests and we hope you will consider them as we work as a team.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

Association of Wives and Girlfriends (AWG)

Previous post: 10 Weird Phobias That Exist

About Dear Mothers-in-law

This post as seen tackles some of the major issues in many African marriages. This is not to say that all African Mothers-in-law are mean, controlling or are homewreckers. No. Quite frankly, there are many wonderful mothers-in-law of African descent out there but we cannot ignore the fact that there are also those who make it a point of duty to vehemently destroy marriages with their actions.

Though, this may relate to other races, it is written from an African perspective. There are so many tales of pain told by wives whose mothers-in-law have frustrated even out of marriage.

There are cases where such wives go to any length to please some in-laws but are met with hostility. It’s sad and it has to stop. Respect is reciprocal and neither of both parties should be taken for granted.

What do you think? Share your thoughts.

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Viano Dee

Non-niche blogger. Poet. Songwriter. A hardcore romantic. Her write-ups could take any form: poetry, articles, and even songs in ways that'll inspire you, resonate with you, or tell a story while keeping you both informed and entertained.

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This was so funny to read because it made me think of all women around the world, not only women married or dating african men. This post should be called “dear mothers in law”, as I assume most women deal with this regarding of the race.

Reply to  Annaissmr

Honestly speaking, that was the first title but I felt I should make it more specific. Maybe that wasn’t a very good idea. 🙁

Jaana McEntee

I am mother of a young son & I will take a good notice on your post so I could be a good mother in law.. I do think that half of the issues can be just misunderstandings.. I would treat my daughter in law as my own child & that would mean I would probably teach her & maybe advise her what to do & this is only because she is like my own & I wish her best 🙂

Reply to  Jaana McEntee

Awesome, Jaana. I believe she’d love you for that.


I think lots of mothers in law struggle with these, especially letting the wife make their home their own and raise children how they want them too, this is definitely universal. I think I’m very lucky with my own mother in law for the most part!

Reply to  Eliza

You are so lucky Eliza.

Tochukwu Precious Eze

It’s hard for any mother to accept that his little baby is now grown up man . There are lot of insecurities they develop which may or may not be correct. The only thing help to those insecure mother in laws is let it go.


…or express yourself and get them to understand that they can be loved more if they show some respect. I don’t think dying in silence is the answer. It’ll only lead to resentment.


Unconditional love can be so hard when an in-law is involved! I think that you hit it right on the head though, and asking for mothers-in-law to just be respectful. Respectful of their grown son, an adult woman, and all the choices the two make together. Loved it!

Reply to  Simi

Thanks so much, Rebecca.


A mother in law would say, cheiii, see what education has done o. But it’s true, you wrote the truth bluntly. That’s why the Bible says a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. If the man doesn’t leave, it’s hard for the mother to see he has an additional family now.

Reply to  Simi

Very true, Simi.

Kristine Nicole Alessandra

Mothers only want the best for their kids and I understand the “need” for MILs to “meddle” in the affairs of their child’s married life. I am a mother in law myself but I keep my distance when it comes to how my daughter and her husband is trying to live their lives. Although there are times when I can’t stand seeing the mess they  have in their apartment!


Haha! Understandably Kristine. There’s nothing wrong in correcting them. 


What a powerful post. I personally hadn’t had any issues with my mother in law when I was married. I love the points that you do make in this post though, it can be so hard to show unconditional love and it seems sometimes even our MIL’s have the best of intentions but don’t always say things right. I hope this gives some help for MIL’s to be more insightful and friendly to their new in-law adult children. 

Reply to  Brandy

Thanks so much, Brandy. I hope so too.


This post is going to help so many wives feel supported with their own mother-in-law issues. It might be hard for some mothers to lose that control over their sons.

Reply to  Ashley

That’s right, Ashley. But MILs need to understand that their sons are men now and should not interfere in their marital lives unless when crucial.

Subhashish Roy

Such a wonderful article and so apt. So frequently we come across mother-in-laws taking up the role of moral police and themselves the perfect human being. Time for them to look inwards.

Reply to  Subhashish Roy

Very true, Roy. It shouldn’t be.

Wren Marie

This is a great article on a subject overlooked. Hard to be respectful to the MIL when she’s trying to dictate your life because she knows best. This was a great reminder. 

Reply to  Wren Marie

Very true, Wren. It also reminds us that we too will be MILs someday and we would need to abide by this.

Reply to  Viano Dee

Honestly. This is so true kemi.

Elena Toma

I am so lucky to have an amazing mother-in law! I think parents should not get involved so much in a marriage just because they know better, because every marriage is different !

Reply to  Elena Toma

Lucky you, Elena. I quite agree with you.


My mother in law is wonderful person. It wasn’t always easy with us in the beginning but now after 7 years I consider her family and a friend.

Reply to  Lyosha

That’s great. Lucky you, Lyosha. Good thing you guys were able to make it work.

Fashion and Style Police

What a deep post. I hope the troublesome mother in laws get to read this post. 


Haha! Right?!

christopher mitchell 🌎✈️

This is definitely a very heartfelt and honest post. My mother in law is great, but I know that’s not always the case! 


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