Be Careful Who You Marry

Be Careful Who You Marry

Be Careful Who You Marry.

A few years ago, I walked past this very pretty lady. She seemed to have had it figured out. She was married and she had a lucrative business she ran with her husband. Anyone would have thought that things must have been going fine for her. They’d have thought she was lucky— I was so sure she was. Anytime I passed around her place of work, I greeted and she always responded with a warm smile. As time passed, we grew close and it was then I was convinced that all that glitters isn’t gold.

What led to this conversation was pretty simple. We were talking about things generally before she decided to ask if I had a man. ”No,” I replied. I went on to explain that I simply wasn’t in a rush and I was willing to wait till the right one would come. She advised it was the best and then proceeded to share with me her ordeal.

Her husband was violent and was a chronic womanizer (he could sleep with anything in skirt). He had slept with all the girls that worked for them including relatives! In fact, one of them had to go through an abortion because he didn’t want the child. Mind you, these girls were not forced. It was something they participated in willingly as they also had the nerves to flaunt themselves in the wife’s presence.

Of course, he would lure them with money and gladly they’d succumb. To the best of my knowledge, none of them were raped –it seemed they were willing parties. Not only would he constantly hit her (even during pregnancy), he also forcefully took her money from her personal business, squandered it and still hardly provides for them. Yet everywhere they were together, they seemed like the perfect couple.

I asked her why she was still with him and she replied, ”Where will I go to?” I wept. A part of me understood why— it was obvious she still loved him regardless but I think her major concern was how to fend for 7 kids. Her siblings didn’t mind her going to them but I doubt if they were as well to do as he was also I think it may have been coupled with fear too. I wept uncontrollably. She was too nice to be treated this way but it was clear she had chosen to stay.

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Several months would pass by before I would see her again. She was still her lively self only the stress was written over her. I asked how far, it seemed the abuse wasn’t as bad it was but his womanizing ways hadn’t stopped. Frankly, it didn’t seem like there was going to be any hope as regards that. It’s been a while since I saw her last but I hope she’s fine.

Another time, I had a conversation with some friends (this was about a month ago or so) and we were talking about marriage when one of them told a really painful story.

It was one of a young lady who met a guy she really liked. He seemed to have all the characteristics she had wanted in a man. He treated her nicely, bought her nice things and chose not to have sex with her before marriage. She was excited– it felt like he was sent from above and not long after, they got married.

On the night of her wedding, she wanted to make love to her husband but he complained that he was tired. She understood because it had been a hectic day for both of them. But then, he refused the second day and the third and fourth till it became a habit (can’t remember for how long).

She began to wonder if something was wrong with his manhood but it seemed each time she brought it up, he always had something soothing to say. He’d make promises and buy her nice gifts. She was beginning to feel frustrated but she still remained until one day she went to work and realized she forgot something important at home which she urgently needed.

She got home and what did she see? She found her husband who had deprived her of sex making love to someone neither she nor anyone reading this would have thought of. He was making love to her dad! The shock on your face right now—I know.

She confronted them both. Her dad didn’t even utter a word instead pulled up his pants and ignored her. The husband was crying and begging her to calm down when she stormed out of the house and went to tell her mother only to receive another shocker.

Her mum was aware of her dad’s sexual activities with men all along and it seemed she felt trapped in the marriage already. I really can’t say how it ended but this much was said. These are just a few of many horrible marriages.

In fact worse than these, are those that have been married for a long time and all of a sudden one of the spouses starts acting strangely. Take for example the husband of 22 years who wanted to kill his wife by slowly poisoning her because she wanted a divorce.

Even worse is the tragic story of a 79 year old woman who clubbed her 79 year old husband to death over an affair he had over 40 years ago!

Look, many people are miserable in their marriages and are looking for a way out. Don’t ever wish or aspire to be like any married couple because most of the time, the nice smiles and affection they seem to portray are staged. Some marriages last long not because of love but because the couples are just managing to make a record or because they are afraid of what people will say.

If they could open their mouth to tell you the hatred and regrets that envelope their hearts, you will be shocked. That is not to say that there aren’t excellent marriages– of course there are but my point is this: hope for the best in your marriage and don’t envy anyone because you have no idea what happens behind closed doors.

In all of these, don’t rush into marriage. Don’t be desperate. Be prayerful, sensitive and hope for the best. Be careful who you marry in order to avoid stories that touch the heart. May God help us.

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Be Careful Who You Marry

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Viano Dee

Viano Dee is a non niche blogger, poet, songwriter and a hardcore romantic who believes that life is something that we all should be positive about. She writes about life generally with the hope that positive change will occur even if it's just in one person. Her write-ups could take any form: poetry, articles, and even songs in ways that'll inspire you, resonate with you, or tell a story while keeping you both informed and entertained.

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Mirabellalah
1 year ago

What a wonderful read. Quite shocking in some areas though. I once heard a preacher say that after giving your life to Christ, the next most important decision one can make is their choice of a spouse. It can make you or ruin you. I choose to lead with God and yield to the voice of the Holy Spirit when choosing oh. All thy glitters isn’t gold. 

Cyril
1 year ago

May God see us through in marriage wahala. You don’t see the full meaning until you are there. It takes the grace of God. No perfect marriage, what we need is patience and understanding. We shouldn’t go into marriage because of materials things. Ladies should take note of this. A guy that does not get money today can be the perfect guy for you but many will not want such a guy. Love is sweet.

StressedMum
1 year ago

They always say you never know what goes on behind closed doors.  That poor woman I can relate to her through my first marriage.  You never really know what goes on behind the smiles

Eileen M. Loya
1 year ago

Marriage can be quite scary. It is a commitment to live your life with a “stranger.” Some find success, while some are not that fortunate. My first marriage fell apart because I thought I found the man I could spend my life with, but after a year, he preferred being with his buddies than facing his responsibilities as a husband and father. 

Mira
1 year ago

I cannot tell you how it hurts reading this ! Women should understand that no matter how much you love him, if your relationship isn’t healthy just Leave!Unfortunately, no matter for how long you’ve known someone, marrying them is another /completely different situation. Love still exists, good relationships and healthy marriage is still out there!!

Katherine Gamble
1 year ago

Marriage is something sacred. Personally, I don’t see a lot of successful marriages in my personal life, but I do believe in love. People have to have patience when it comes to love. Reading this has reassured me that my patience is for good reason. 

Di MadWriter
1 year ago

omg i heard something like this too- its crazy ha marriage doesn’t have eto be scary and you really want to make sure you know who you are marring too before you jump into anything. 

Jaana McEntee
1 year ago

Once you’ve seen your own or somebody else’ bad marriage, it is very hard to trust yourself into the relationship again, sadly so many people are stuck in unhappy marriages..

Wren Marie
1 year ago

This is completely true! Thank you for sharing these stories. It is so important to be careful who you marry, no one wants to feel trapped. I felt trapped for years and then one day… I had the strength. 

Melanie williams
1 year ago

Very true.  These days you never quite know what you are getting into with marriage.  Trusting people can be tough xx

Veronika
8 months ago

Wow thanks for sharing. Thats crazy but thats the world these days. It’s hard to know if you really know someone

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