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Be Careful Who You Marry.
A few years ago, I walked past this very pretty lady. She seemed to have had it figured out. She was married and she had a lucrative business she ran with her husband. Anyone would have thought that things must have been going fine for her. They’d have thought she was lucky— I was so sure she was. Anytime I passed around her place of work, I greeted and she always responded with a warm smile. As time passed, we grew close and it was then I was convinced that all that glitters isn’t gold.
What led to this conversation was pretty simple. We were talking about things generally before she decided to ask if I had a man. ”No,” I replied. I went on to explain that I simply wasn’t in a rush and I was willing to wait till the right one would come. She advised it was the best and then proceeded to share with me her ordeal.
Her husband was violent and was a chronic womanizer (he could sleep with anything in skirt). He had slept with all the girls that worked for them including relatives! In fact, one of them had to go through an abortion because he didn’t want the child. Mind you, these girls were not forced. It was something they participated in willingly as they also had the nerves to flaunt themselves in the wife’s presence.
Of course, he would lure them with money and gladly they’d succumb. To the best of my knowledge, none of them were raped –it seemed they were willing parties. Not only would he constantly hit her (even during pregnancy), he also forcefully took her money from her personal business, squandered it and still hardly provides for them. Yet everywhere they were together, they seemed like the perfect couple.
I asked her why she was still with him and she replied, ”Where will I go to?” I wept. A part of me understood why— it was obvious she still loved him regardless but I think her major concern was how to fend for 7 kids. Her siblings didn’t mind her going to them but I doubt if they were as well to do as he was also I think it may have been coupled with fear too. I wept uncontrollably. She was too nice to be treated this way but it was clear she had chosen to stay.
Several months would pass by before I would see her again. She was still her lively self only the stress was written over her. I asked how far, it seemed the abuse wasn’t as bad it was but his womanizing ways hadn’t stopped. Frankly, it didn’t seem like there was going to be any hope as regards that. It’s been a while since I saw her last but I hope she’s fine.
Another time, I had a conversation with some friends (this was about a month ago or so) and we were talking about marriage when one of them told a really painful story.
It was one of a young lady who met a guy she really liked. He seemed to have all the characteristics she had wanted in a man. He treated her nicely, bought her nice things and chose not to have sex with her before marriage. She was excited– it felt like he was sent from above and not long after, they got married.
On the night of her wedding, she wanted to make love to her husband but he complained that he was tired. She understood because it had been a hectic day for both of them. But then, he refused the second day and the third and fourth till it became a habit (can’t remember for how long).
She began to wonder if something was wrong with his manhood but it seemed each time she brought it up, he always had something soothing to say. He’d make promises and buy her nice gifts. She was beginning to feel frustrated but she still remained until one day she went to work and realized she forgot something important at home which she urgently needed.
She got home and what did she see? She found her husband who had deprived her of sex making love to someone neither she nor anyone reading this would have thought of. He was making love to her dad! The shock on your face right now—I know.
She confronted them both. Her dad didn’t even utter a word instead pulled up his pants and ignored her. The husband was crying and begging her to calm down when she stormed out of the house and went to tell her mother only to receive another shocker.
Her mum was aware of her dad’s sexual activities with men all along and it seemed she felt trapped in the marriage already. I really can’t say how it ended but this much was said. These are just a few of many horrible marriages.
In fact worse than these, are those that have been married for a long time and all of a sudden one of the spouses starts acting strangely. Take for example the husband of 22 years who wanted to kill his wife by slowly poisoning her because she wanted a divorce.
Even worse is the tragic story of a 79 year old woman who clubbed her 79 year old husband to death over an affair he had over 40 years ago!
Look, many people are miserable in their marriages and are looking for a way out. Don’t ever wish or aspire to be like any married couple because most of the time, the nice smiles and affection they seem to portray are staged. Some marriages last long not because of love but because the couples are just managing to make a record or because they are afraid of what people will say.
If they could open their mouth to tell you the hatred and regrets that envelope their hearts, you will be shocked. That is not to say that there aren’t excellent marriages– of course there are but my point is this: hope for the best in your marriage and don’t envy anyone because you have no idea what happens behind closed doors.
In all of these, don’t rush into marriage. Don’t be desperate. Be prayerful, sensitive and hope for the best. Be careful who you marry in order to avoid stories that touch the heart. May God help us.
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