Arranged Marriages in the Twenty First Century

Arranged Marriages in the Twenty First Century

Arranged marriages are basically marriages where a groom is found for the bride or (and) vice versa by family members of both parties other than the couples themselves. And no! This isn’t a thing of the past, it is here. It is now. All around us are people who practice this tradition.

In a few cases, they are done based on requests i.e a matured male may tell his parents to get a partner for him probably because he doesn’t trust his decisions or because he is shy but in most cases, they are done as the parents deem fit.

Such parents are usually concerned about their offsprings marrying from their communities or clans or social strata.

Despite the fact that this tradition may not be as rigid as it once was, some countries still hold it in high esteem. Countries like India, China and Pakistan are examples but that is not to say that every single Indian or every Chinese participates in it. Same thing applies to countries that don’t recognize the practice; there are still pockets of people who do. It just boils down to individuals, exposure and preferences.

Why Arranged Marriages?

Reasons are as follows:

Stereotype: Some parents may feel uneasy about their offsprings marrying from other tribes/ clans/communities and so on based on how such people are generally perceived to be rather than evaluating them as individuals.

Bonding: Such parents are of the opinion that when they select spouses for their offsprings, they will bond well because of the similarities in cultures, backgrounds and so on. They feel that having an outsider come in would be a lot of work and may likely cause unnecessary tension.

Superstitious Beliefs: Some parents feel that marrying outside the desired clans or communities may cause havoc to the families of their offsprings and by extension they themselves.

Past experiences: Certain tribes may be marked as a no,no because of experiences that may have occurred in the past. This mostly concerns failed marriages with people from such tribes or communities.

Consequences of Refusing Arranged Marriages

In cases where such offsprings decide to go against the wishes of their parents, the following is likely to occur:


Enmity: This usually ends up creating strained relationships between the offspring, the families and relatives of the person in question. This can also be transferred to the spouse of the person in question.

One might be treated as an outcast: In very extreme cases such offsprings may be permanently cut off from the family with claims of being a disgrace to them.

Slander: False accusations may be made about the spouse of the offspring in question especially when there are issues. For instance the  spouse (in most cases, the woman) may be blamed for every single thing and goes wrong in the marriage.

Consequences of Going Through with Arranged Marriages


Unhappiness: Despite the fact that both families may be happy, the case may not be the same for the couples in question. Particularly in cases where they would rather be with the people they genuinely love.

Resentment: This may occur in a case where they is no love. Undying anger may set in against the parents or (and) relatives and sometimes may even be transferred to the spouse.

Unfaithfulness: Either or both of the couples may end up secretly seeing those they genuinely love especially when they feel or realize that their spouses do not meet the standards of their past lovers. Sometimes, it may not even be with those they love (in cases where such people have moved on)- it could be with just anybody.

Frustration, Depression, Suicide or Manslaughter: There have been cases where one or both of the couples are so frustrated and depressed that they end up taking their own lives. In some other cases, one ends up killing the other.


Any marriage can thrive once there is genuine love, respect, trust and understanding

Despite the fact that there have been consequences of either rejecting or accepting arranged marriages, this isn’t to say that there haven’t been positive outcomes regarding both sides.

There are cases where offsprings have refused to marry in accordance to the will of their parents or relatives, made their own decisions and do not regret it. Even to the point where they ended up being commended by those who should have castigated them i.e parents/ relatives.

Also, there are those who have had arranged marriages and are happy.

It’s like a gamble. It’s a 50/50 chance.

However, parents should learn to put the feelings of their offsprings into consideration. Their decisions shouldn’t be based on stereotypes, past experiences, superstition and so on.

Rather, it should be based on facts,  the individuals in question, the level of understanding on the part of both parties and the effort they are willing to put into their relationships. These are the things that should matter.

Many parents have lost their offsprings for selfish reasons and have deprived them of genuine love in the process of being too careful.

Personally, I believe that when people choose for themselves, they will be accountable and have no one to blame but themselves should anything go wrong.

But at the end of the day, any relationship or marriage can thrive (regardless of how it is done) when there is genuine love, respect, trust and understanding.

So what do you think? Would you like an arranged marriage? Share your thoughts.

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Viano Dee

Non-niche blogger. Poet. Songwriter. A hardcore romantic. Her write-ups could take any form: poetry, articles, and even songs in ways that'll inspire you, resonate with you, or tell a story while keeping you both informed and entertained.

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Marriage is a scared. Its coming together of two adults after due consideration agreed to be together till the end of their lives. Its a decision that should not be forced on people concern. Parents, relative and friends be warned.


Good write up

Chuma Hilary

Life could be so complicated, Ironically as you've earlier stated one could still find genuine love and respect in an arranged marriage. What weve struggled hard to stand against was the fact that children should not be forced to bond with people they don't feel attracted to,he or she may fall into large degree of emotional disbalance and it could possible affect the outcome of the whole marriage.
Now, we shouldn't discard our various cultures, but in our civilized society today there should be a mutual build up of affection from both partners for us to embrace a happy marriage… Marriage is a choice, marriage is not a strole in tha park, marriage is a long term experience (almost for ever), marriage is not a do or die affair…. After putting all these into considerations I don't see the need for an arranged marriage….

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