6 Lessons Love Taught Me.
I lay on my bed on Saturday night as I thought deeply about what to write as my next post. Many ideas came to mind but one struck. “That’s the one”, I smiled to myself. I began to type but there weren’t any points yet. So I asked myself, ” what has love really taught me?” I paused a bit, then I walked down memory’s lane.
You see many times in our lives, we think we have it all figured out. We plan for the day we would finally meet the “the one”. However, the journey to finding the one isn’t always easy. Some people are lucky enough to find the one just once, some others, after a few trials and there are those who never find ” the one”.
As it stands, I’m not sure where I belong for now but I know for certain, that I do not belong to the first category and hopefully not the last. I look back now and I wonder what I even felt. Was it really love or did I think it was love? I’m very sure of my answer: all those times, it was love only it was felt in different degrees.
But I’d say that my last relationship was the most mature and the longest one I’ve ever been in and I’d like to share with you some of the lessons I learned about love. I’ll cite some examples in the process.
Love can be found in the most unexpected places
I learnt that most times love doesn’t occur where or how you want it to. Sometimes, it is found in the heart of one whom you’re not attracted to— one who in your deepest imagination you wouldn’t even consider.
Love can really take you by surprise. My last relationship was like that. It was one born out of genuine friendship which I most definitely do not regret.
Though my previous relationships all started with friendships— this I must say, was gold. It wasn’t rushed. There wasn’t any physical attraction from the beginning — it was more of mental attraction (which hasn’t been the case in the past). If I had made a list of who I wanted to be with, my ex would never have been anywhere on that list.
It’s no wonder we find people being involved with others that they initially tagged “out of their league”. Love can find you out from the least expected places.
Love is not solely about compatablility but also about complementing
When I was younger, I used to think love should be basically about compatibility but I realize that it is not entirely so. I have come to the realization that no two people can ever agree on every single thing at every given point in time. They may agree, for the most part, but not all the time.
You see, we are raised differently. We are the products of our environments, beliefs, and norms. Even two people from the same place, with same beliefs still have individual differences.
My ex and I weren’t from the same place and we had our differences but we embraced them. We argued, made our points yet respected each other’s views and understood that there were some things we could not change. We had to accept them.
This is not to say that a certain degree of compatibility isn’t required but it just means there needs to room to accept differences.
Love is more than a feeling, it’s a choice
Many people belong to the school of thought that believes we have to feel a certain type of way when we are in love— thanks to fairy tales and the movie industry.
Truth is, this is not so. You may, at the beginning feel some kind of way about the one you love but the spark will not always be there. Some days, I would wonder what in the world I was doing with him. Even though I knew I loved him, I didn’t always have that feeling.
I personally think that when a lot of people get to this point, they lose interest because they are looking for a feeling. Love is more than a feeling, it is a choice.
This is why people stay with their loved ones through thick and thin because that’s what love is.
Love requires effort
There has to be some amount of thoughtfulness and effort for a relationship to strive. In my case, it wasn’t one sided in anyway. There was commitment, there was sacrifice. We were there for each other even in the most inconvenient times. We were each other’s priority.
In a relationship where there is no effort from both parties, such is bound to go to ruins.
Love means compromise
Most people go into relationships with high expectations and they crash. Love leaves room for mistakes and forgiveness, it leaves room for growth. We did grow.
Now, you’re probably wondering: “If she had a relationship this good, why aren’t they together?“
I’d ask same too if I was reading this. The answer lies in the next point.
Love sometimes means letting go
Sometimes, we have to let go of those we truly love as a result of factors beyond our control. Things do not always go the way we plan because again, just like love, life is full of surprises.
At the end of the day, even good things come to an end. As Nelly Furtado sang:
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end?
Well, because that’s the way life has been designed I guess. But I’d say that this relationship opened my eyes to a lot of positive things. I believe it’ll prepare me for what would be my last relationship — hopefully.
Now tell me, what has love taught you?