Everyone loves babies. They are cute and hilarious. It is amazing to see how they try to communicate what they feel because they cannot talk.
But what if it were possible for them to talk; what would they say? Would they be cool or would they be rude? Would they get on your nerves or would they make you smile?
Let’s find out what they would say if they could speak when:
They are born
“Oh boy! I’m finally out. I can’t believe it. I’ve been trying to look for the exit—kicking that tummy for sometime now.
Really, I felt trapped. I was like: how long would I have to dwell in that womb, eating all of mummy’s yulky yulky stuff? But finally I’m out! I’m out! I’m gonna cry for joy. This is victory.”
They like who is carrying them
“Okay Miss/Mr/s Stranger, I don’t know you but I think you are kind of cool and you’re so much fun so I’m going to smile at you and play with you.”
They don’t like who is carrying them/ or aren’t in the mood
“Oh my! Who is this? I do not like your face right now. I’m not in the mood. Please give me back to my mummy or I’m going to cry. Mummy!!! Come carry me!”
They want to poop
“Why are you guys panicking? Seems you’re getting wrong. I’m not about to cry, I’m trying to poop. You guys are quick to judge.”
Their diapers are being changed
“Wow! This feels so good. Finally, there’s some fresh air on my butt. I wish we could do without these diapers.
Duh! Mum, what are you squeezing your nose for? Do you have any idea what I survived in your tummy?
Oh and by the way, I was thinking: “Isn’t there a way you could clean me up in private all the time? It’s kind of embarrassing to clean me up in front of people. My stuff is meant to be private.”
They are put on their mothers backs and they go to the market
“Alright mum, can you please hurry up? I’m tired of my legs hanging while my whole being is choked up in this wrapper; I feel like a prisoner. I would really appreciate it if you could just stick to what brought us here rather than chat with your customers and friends or asking for things that aren’t even on the list!”
They want to be by themselves and you try to interrupt
“Can you not see that I’m trying to have some me time? I mean, can’t somebody have time alone? That’s it; I’m just going to ignore you. Gosh! I can’t wait to grow up so I can just walk away and lock myself in my room.”
They are left alone with their fathers and they get hungry
Dad, play is over. I’m hungry now. Dad, I said I’m hungry. What are you giving me the toy for? I said I’m hungry. Oh boy, you don’t seem to get it; I think I’m just going to cry. Mum! Mum!! Mum!!! Where are you?
I’m hungry! How can you leave me with dad when we both know that he’s got no clue or boobs? How could you go out with my boobies? Wait a minute! Why isn’t mum showing up? Hope she didn’t go out? Mum! Mum!! Oh thank goodness, there you are.”
They are sucking breast
“Hmmm! This is my favorite. What would the world be without breast milk?”
Their mothers plait their hair
“What the hell are you doing to my head? Do you want to pull my brain out? Stop, it hurts! It hurts so badly.
Stop consoling me; just get your hands off my head! Mum, I’m crying. How could you be so cruel to pass through this excruciating pain when I’m just a baby?
I don’t know why you’re doing this— I don’t care about beauty; I care about food, play and sleep. If you want to do this, why not get a doll or something? Stop!!!!!”
Phones are taken from them
“Hey, what’s going on? Why is everyone allowed to use these stuffs and I’m not? Why can’t you guys just allow me to pull out the buttons and break the phone screens?
It’s not like I’m going to browse porn or use up your airtime. Now that I’ve made my intent known, can I now have the phone please? Ok fine! I won’t destroy the screen or the buttons; I’ll just shove it in my mouth. Give me phone please! Please give me phone! Give me the phone!”
These are probably just a few things that babies might say if they could talk.
Do you agree or think otherwise? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.